


warning: if you see the backside of a tiger, run

by putsch



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Awkward Dates, Epic Fail, Kuroko Tetsuya is a Little Shit, M/M, Pee, Zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 17:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9335618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putsch/pseuds/putsch
Summary: Remember when they thought that the zoo was a cute place for a date, but then they were kicked out because certain people's "animal instincts" cause some issues with the animals?(Written for SASO2016 BR1)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nobetterpicture](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobetterpicture/gifts).



"You know," Aomine began, shifting his weight and shooting Kagami his classic shit-eating grin, "Even a real tiger looks like a little bitch."  
  
"Oh, you wanna go?!"  
  
Kuroko gave up trying to break up these little tiffs somewhere around the reptile house, realizing that they would burn themselves out before making a real show in a crowded place, especially since that crowded place was full of children and families. They might be competitive to a fault, but at least they could keep some form of common decency in public. The sweltering summer probably helped too - it was too damn hot to be putting up actual fights.  
  
"I'm just _saying_ the panthers are way cooler."  
  
Still, he can't tune them out. Kuroko was the one who picked the zoo for their date (he really thought it would be nicer), so he'd feel responsible if they ended up scarring someone.  
  
"Whatever, just look at that majestic beast." Kagami motions toward the tiger, which is looking directly at the two of them.  
  
Kuroko skin crawls, but he doesn't know why. He takes a step to the side, just to be safe.  
  
"Majestic, shmajestic. It's just sitting there." Aomine looks back at the tiger, raising an eyebrow.   
  
"So was the panther!"  
  
"Not the point."  
  
"Christ, you're being worse than one of those temper-tantrum brats."  
  
"You're just jealous you're not as cool."  
  
"I'm way better than you." Kagami snarls, but the sound of it is lost under a much louder, deeper snarl. Both of them look over at the source: the tiger. Neither of them had noticed that it had gotten up, that it's teeth were bared and that it was looking straight at them.  
  
The normal zoo guests _ooo-ed_ and _aaa-ed_ at the display, but still felt nervous about how ferocious the beast looked.  
  
Aomine and Kagami are not normal zoo guests however, oh no: they are jerkass teenage boys.   
  
"See?!" Kagami shot Aomine a cocky grin, "The tiger is way cool, you can't fight that shit."  
  
"Tch. He's not that scary."  
  
"Dude, it's a tiger, what kind of dumbass are you?"  
  
"You're not winning this one man, don't even try."  
  
"Haa?!" Kagami shouted, and from afar, Kuroko rolled his eyes. This was getting stupid, like really stupid, but of course they were getting overly riled up over tigers. It wasn't even the first time. The only difference is how the tiger looks all kinds of pissed off, as if the more they argued and ignored it, the worse it got. The tiger even pawed hard at the iron caging, making the pair jump, but they _still didn't stop._  
  
Kuroko was now feeling very uneasy. Super uneasy. Like the "wrath of Riko training hell was about to befall them" uneasy.   
  
That's when the tiger turned around. Lifted up it's tail.   
  
"Oh my god." Kuroko whispered to no one in particular, and pulled out his phone.  
  
  
  
  
 **Bing!**  
  
Momoi glances over at her phone, and throws it open as soon as she sees it was from Kuroko. Kuroko almost never messages her, so if he was texting her it must be something important.  
  
"A video?" She tilts her head, but opens it anyway.  
  
In the video is Kagami and Aomine, they look like they're bickering, but the quality of the audio makes it hard to hear. She can see a cage off to the side, a tiger on the inside, or she's pretty sure it's a tiger. She can only see it's butt.  
  
And then it pees.  
  
Not just any kind of peeing, but spraying to mark it's territory, and it gets _all over Kagami and Aomine._  
  
The video laughs for another 20 seconds, but Momoi barely manages to watch the rest. She's laughing so hard she's crying, and she's sure she's about to blow out one of her lungs laughing like this. Never in her life has she seen two people look more embarrassed, mortified, and disgusted.  
  
It's beautiful, and she saves it to share with the rest of Touou.  
  


  
  
"Don't worry." Kuroko assures Aomine and Kagami as they stand under the shower spray that the zoo keepers so kindly allow them to use, "I only sent it to all our friends."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to Samy who helped me come up with this idea as we drove passed a zoo and made me laugh into tears. We are terrible, but at least we can do it together.


End file.
